


when she was

by vulturer



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sgrub Session, F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-19
Updated: 2012-08-19
Packaged: 2017-11-12 11:54:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/490626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulturer/pseuds/vulturer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When she was two and a half sweeps old, when she was two and three quarters, when she was three and a half, when she was five, five and three-quarters, eight, eleven, thirteen, thirteen, thirteen.</p><p>Written for HSO Round 3: Balancing Act.</p>
            </blockquote>





	when she was

___________________________________

  


When she was two and a half sweeps old, Nepeta Leijon decided that she was a cat and was going to be treated as such.

She scampered inside of her cave on four legs, rubbed her back against the stalagmites, and gave herself tongue baths just like Pounce did. She was really good at jumping and even better at lying on her back in the moonlight. Her collection of dead squeakbeasts was amazing and impressive and nobody else had a better collection than she did. Pounce told her so and Pounce was always right.

Nepeta's favorite activity was being carried around in Pounce's mouth by the back of her overalls, which had lots of pockets for keeping the things she found when they explored. The best thing she ever found was a broken pocketwatch by the creek. It was beautiful and gold and stuck on one o'clock.

\- - -

When she was two and three quarters, Nepeta Leijon started to paint.

Sometimes when it rained outside, the air was cool and thick with moisture inside the cave and the little pools of blood from suppers took a long time to dry. One night, Pounce was so tired from hunting that she fell asleep right after eating. Nepeta listened to her heart for a little while, but wasn't tired at all so she walked over and touched the brownish blood. It was cold and runny, but easy to smear in lines on the floor.

When Pounce woke up, she saw Nepeta curled up on the floor with messy hands and knees. Chargebeasts galloped around her.

\- - -

When she was three and a half, Nepeta Leijon made friends.

There were other kids who lived in the forests with their tree-climbing, burrowing, hole-pecking lusii. Being almost-half-all-grown up meant learning how to talk and play without getting into fist fights, dragged away by custodians, covered in mud, scratches, and tears. Nepeta was known for her nails and the fact that she never cried (until she was safe at home). She wasn't very good at being nice. But she tried really hard and practiced telling stories of her adventures to painted faces on the walls and got better.

The first friend she ever made was a girl raised by a dragon egg in a fantastic treehouse.

They chased each other through the tree branches, jumping from one to the next, laughing and screeching as the pink leaves brushed their arms. After hours of chase scenes and pretending to be wild beasts, they sat in front of Pyralspite's egg with Pounce and talked so much that they ran out of breath.

They did this for perigees and perigees and perigees until the day Terezi Pyrope looked into the sun.

\- - -

When she was five, Nepeta Leijon fell in love.

Twice.

"Sit!" she commanded and Equius clenched his damp fists in frustration. He had watched her push robot parts across his floor, grunting and digging her toenails into the grooves, until the lopsided pile was sturdy enough for her to scramble up and plant her butt right on top. She was triumphant and glistening and Equius was at a loss for everything. He would have crescent blisters in his palm by morning.

But he climbed up. He sat next to her and watched her eyes widen and his bloodpusher screamed. She wrapped her arms around her knees.

"We don't..." she started and just stared at him. Held eye contact as if breaking the connection would snap something inside of them, maybe even rip a hole right through space. "We don't have to talk. Yet."

Equius nodded and threaded his fingers together. And stared.

Nepeta thought about spilling everything she dreamed about, every wandering wish that strayed to Karkat Vantas and the ruddy thing that she wanted with him. She thought about it, but decided against it. This thing with Equius... it was new and wavering, built on the smoldering ruins of his past with Vriska and she wanted it to work.

\- - -

When she was five and three-quarters, Nepeta Leijon had her first fight.

She screamed and tore holes in fabric that Kanaya had given her and smashed the wall sconces on the ground so that the animal fat spilled and caught fire, filling the cave with hellish light. She cried so hard that her voice shredded and her stomach caved in like a black hole. Her face was puffy and green and stung with furious hurt. When the air became blistering hot and impossible to breathe, she ran and ran and ran until she fell on her knees in front of a tree and pounded it until her fists were bloody.

Terezi poked her head out of a window and inhaled. Too faint! She hopped onto the pulley lift and rode it down until she was close enough to sniff who it was.

"Nepeta? What's wrong?"

Nepeta looked up, glaring through her tears, and snarled, "Romance is terrible and I hate it."

Terezi grinned and held out her hand.

\- - -

When she was eight, Nepeta Leijon was going to be famous.

"No listen, just _listen_ to me," she said, swaying on her feet. She threw her hands out to catch balance and turned to scan everyone in the room with wide, serious eyes. "I'm gonna write a book. And it's gonna sell a million copies and I'm gonna be invited on TV shows for interviews with Andern Coppre and everyone will be so excited and write me letters."

"Oh yeah?" said a voice. She turned and pointed, tipped, and stepped forward, grinning.

"Yeah. Admit it. 'S brilliant!"

"'S bullshit."

"S'not bullshit, it's _brilliant!"_ she shouted and twirled around, drinking in the sounds of laughter. "Jus' think about it, a diffurent set of all new quadrants where we can do whatefur we want and not have to worry about hate or pity, and everyone's allowed to kiss everyone cause that's what we all want to do anyway, _all_ the quadrants are fur kissing. I know this, it's true, and with new quadrants it's easy, you can just be... be..."

"Happy?"

"Happy! Happy, whoever said that, yes, I would like to," she stumbled with a giggle over stretched legs, "To commemeowrate the correctness of that notion, who. Stand up! Who said it?"

There was a shuffle and rise of whistling, catcalls, and drunken whoops. Nepeta turned around to see Equius standing up slowly, stone-faced and ignoring at all the noise. Her smile nearly spread to her ears.

"Not that we can't be happy in the old quadrants too. If it's done right," she said, mostly to him, but if others overheard... then that was that. He stood still as she stepped toward him, lifting her nimble feet over legs and pillows and empty bottles. She stepped on his toes and looked up. "Hmm?"

Equius nodded and put his hands in his pockets. "If it's done right, yes."

"And are we doing it right?" It was clear she was teasing him, tipsy and blushing olive with slyness and drink.

He shrugged his broad shoulders and breathed through his nose. "You tell me."

"Mmmmmm, I would saaay..." she grabbed his shirtfront and he leaned down to meet her halfway. Anyone who was paying attention cheered, clashing bottles, howling like packbeasts.

"Isn't that sweet," Terezi giggled into Karkat's arm. He grunted back, unusually noncommittal. She pushed herself up and felt a deep part of herself catch fire over at the look on his face; he was transfixed on them. The grin on his face was positively stupid. She almost reached out to touched it to see if what she smelled was real. The spirits rendered the information unreliable. So she told herself.

"Up, up Karkat Vantas," Nepeta said, suddenly above them, "I will not take no for an answer-"

"Fuck off-"

"Nope, no way you're getting out of—Terezi, kick him, thank you—get over here you lump! And kiss him right this instant or I'll be angry at you for days."

"Nepeta-"

"Shut up!"

"Fuck _off-"_ He was totally laughing. Terezi could not _believe this._

"Shut up and _kiss,_ catdamnit!" 

"Oh my god," Terezi whispered as Karkat Vantas kissed Equius Zahhak. The room was an explosion of noise. Nepeta was the loudest. After the disbelief trickled away, Terezi stumbled over to her and joined in as second.

"The things I do fur love," Nepeta said into Terezi's ear with an exhausted sigh that was not at all tired, and most definitely devious. Terezi turned and buried her nose in the dark chocolate hair behind Nepeta's ear.

"You are incredible," she said and then started giggling when Nepeta pulled her into a dance. Someone had started music and turned on colored lights. Terezi inhaled a dizzying mix of tropical flavors and cackled when she tripped over Nepeta's feet. They whirled and shrieked and jumped and tangled.

They found themselves kissing too.

\- - -

When she was eleven, Nepeta Leijon joined a sectarian army to fight a rebellion.

She stood as one among twelve, all scarred and inseparable. Sweeping over the entire length of the hemospectrum, they gathered as figureheads for a greater movement that swelled up slowly, like an iceberg melting for a tidal wave end.

She thought to herself, this is good. We are good. We are great and we are strong and we are true.

\- - -

When she was thirteen, Nepeta Leijon didn't sleep.

"Okay, so we've been preparing for god knows how long. Sweeps. Way too many sweeps," General Vantas said. His most trusted personnel sat at the map covered table, leaned against the walls, stood straight with crossed arms. All silent. "And we knew this would come. And we're ready. We're ready for this, because we are all reckless assholes with everything to lose."

No cheers rose to greet his words, no slammed fists of assent, no nods of the head. He spoke to solemn statues, all staring in different directions with minds afire. He paced and the cracks of his bootheels were collective beats of their bloodpushers, unheard but relentless. When he stopped, Nepeta looked up and met his eyes. They were as red as the setting sun and so, so angry. She squeezed the hand laced through hers and Terezi drew in a long breath.

Only a few nights stood between them and the coming war. They spent the hours discussing tactics, issuing orders, and talking. On the last night, there was no discussion, no orders, no talking at all between Terezi Pyrope and Nepeta Leijon.

There was, however, a conversation.

\- - -

When she was thirteen, Nepeta Leijon refused to give up.

Smoke made it hard to see and breathe, but she ran as fast as she could with a bullet in her leg and another in her stomach. There was a tank rolling through the pandemonium, driven by screaming trolls that banged their weapons on the metal. It fired blindly, sending up jets of dirt where the shots hit. 

She had to get to it. There was no way the artillerazers could target it through the haze and, unlike Her side, they wouldn't risk a stray shot. But she could see it. It was right there.

She had to stop it.

\- - -

When she was thirteen, Nepeta Leijon died in battle.

\- - - - - - - - - - -

gallowsCalibrator [GC] opened memo on board YOU C4N 1GNOR3 TH1S 1 GU3SS.

GC: TH1S 1S NOT A M3MO  
GC: 1 DONT 3V3N KNOW WH4T TH1S 1S??  
GC: 4 V3NT1NG SP4C3 WH3R3 1 C4N B3 4NGRY 4ND POTTY MOUTH3D 1N 4N UNPRODUCT1V3 F4SH1ON 1 SUPPOS3  
GC: WH1CH  
GC: TO B3 QU1T3 FR4NK, SOUNDS WOND3RFUL 4ND V3RY C4TH4RT1C CONS1D3R1NG TH4T TH3 TH1NGS 1 W4NT TO S3Y COULD M4K3 3V3N OUR D34R CH3RRY POP G3N3R4LS PO1NTY 4UR1CUL4R C4RT1L4G3 SPOONS CURL 1N D3T3ST >:[  
GC: BUT TH4T WOULDNT B3 V3RY R3SP3CTFUL, 3V3N THOUGH 1 TH1NK SH3 WOULD PROB4BLY APROV3  
GC: SO 1 GU3SS 1 W1LL JUST T3LL 1T L1K3 1T 1S  
GC: 1T 1S NOT F41R  
GC: NOT 3V3N 1N TH3 SL1GHT3ST, 4ND 1 4M T4K1NG 1NTO CONS1D3R4T1ON TH3 TROLLS SH3 H4S SL41N TH4T COULD V3RY W3LL H4V3 B33N P4NW4SHED, BL4CKM41L3D, OR OTH3RW1S3  
GC: SH3 D1DNT H4V3 4 CHO1C3  
GC: OR, T3CHN1C4LLY SH3 D1D H4V3 4 CHO1C3 4ND 1T W4S A SH1TTY CHO1C3 FROM TH3 G3T GO  
GC: 4ND NOT R34LLY MUCH OF 4 CHO1C3 4T 4LL WH3N YOU GOT R1GHT DOWN TO TH3 BOTTOM OF 1T  
GC: WH3R31N L13D TH3 GLOR1OUS H34P OF J3W3L 3NCRUST3D M4N3UR TH4T W4S AND PR3TTY MUCH ST1LL 1S TH3 POL1T1C4L CL1M4T3 >:S  
GC: SH3 D1D WH4T SH3 THOUGHT W4S R1GHT  
GC: WH4T W3 4LL KN3W TO B3 R1GHT  
GC: MOR3 R1GHT3R TH4N WH4T H3R 1MP3R1OUS PLUMN3SS D3CR33D, 4NYHOW...  
GC: 4ND  
GC: SH3  
GC: N3P3T4 D1D NOT D3S3RV3 TO D13  
GC: SH3 D1DNT  
GC: 1 S4Y TH1S 4S SOM3ON3 WHO 1S 4P3SH1T B4N4N4S 4T D3C1D1NG WH4T P3OPL3 D3S3RV3 4ND WH4T 1S OR 1SNT F41R  
GC: 1T 1S MY FUCK1NG JOB, MY BLOOD  
GC: WH4T 1 BR34TH3, 34T FOR BR34KF4ST, AND SH1T OUT L4T3R 4ND 1 PROCL41M H3R D34TH UNJUST1F14BL3 S4CR1L3G3 TO OUR C4US3 4ND TO OUR FUTUR3 S4N1TY  
GC: TH1S W4R M4Y R3QU1R3 UNTOLD L3V3LS OF S4CR1F1C3 TO GO UP 4G41NST H3R GR4ND AND ROTT3N B3RRY MOR4SS  
GC: BUT 1 B3L13V3 TH4T TH3 LOSS OF TH3 SL33K 4ND F3ROC1OUS POUNC3LLOR 1S ON3 TH4T 1 F1ND P4RT1CUL4RLY  
GC: JUST  
GC: NOT F41R 4T 4LL!!! >:O  
GC: B3C4US3 SH3 W4S TRULY GOOD  
GC: SH3 W4S SO GOOD  
GC: SH3 M4D3 PR3S3NTS ON 12TH P3R1G33S 3V3 S33M L1K3 W1GGL3R 3PH3M3R4  
GC: 4ND 1 SW34R H3R K1SS3S M4D3 TH3 DOUCH3BAGG13ST OF DOUCH3B4GS W1TH MUCKY ROCKS FOR BR41NS GLOW L1K3 LOLL1POPS  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW 4 S1NGL3 P3RSON WHO COULD PR3T3ND TO H4T3 H3R, 3V3N FOR F4NT4SY  
GC: SH3 W4S TH3 SW33T3ST K1W1 UNT1L SOM3ON3 M4D3 H3R M4D  
GC: 4ND TH3N SH3 W4S 4 SOUR 4PPL3 SP1TF1R3!!!  
GC: B31NG ON TH3 3ND OF H3R CL4WY WR4TH W4S 4WFUL 4ND 3NL1GHT3N1NG  
GC: (4ND 1 AM W1LL1NG TO B3T FOR 4 F3W OF YOU—COUGH MR GR4P3 SOD4 4ND COUGH MR 3GGPL4NT 4ND 4LSO COUGH M1SS SOUR BLU3 R4SPB3RRY COUGH—K1ND OF HOT >;])  
GC: BUT D4MN 1T 1F SH3 COULDNT S33 R1GHT THROUGH 4LL OF US  
GC: R1GHT TO OUR M3LTY COR3S  
GC: WH3R3 3V3RYTH1NG CHURN3D 4ROUND 1N GR34T 4WFUL CHUNKY ST3WS OF F33L1NGS 4ND R3GR3TS  
GC: SH3 D3S3RV3D D34TH TH3 L34ST OUT OF 4LL OF US  
GC: 1 KNOW YOU 4LL KNOW TH1S  
GC: 1 KNOW YOU KNOW WH4T YOU H4V3 DON3 4ND TH4T YOU 4R3 4 BL4CK T4RN1SH COMP4R3D TO H3R SH1NY S1LV3R  
GC: 1 KNOW 1 4M TOO >:[  
GC: SH3 W4S NOT P3RF3CT  
GC: TH3R3 4R3 TH1NGS TH4T SH3 SHOULD H4V3 S41D TO P3OPL3 4ND N3V3R D1D FOR F34R OF R3J3CT1ON  
GC: 4ND FR4NKLY 1 TH1NK SH3 COULD H4V3 T4K3N H3R OWN ADV1C3 ON MOR3 TH4N ON3 OCC4S1ON  
GC: BUT SH3 W4S SO GOOD 4T H3LP1NG OTH3RS F1GUR3 OUT WH4T TO DO TH4T WH3N 1T C4M3 TO H3RS3LF, SH3 H4D RUN OUT >:[  
GC: SO, NOT P3RF3CT  
GC: BUT D4MN N34R  
GC: SH3 W4S T4K3N 4W4Y FROM US B3C4US3 SH3 B3L13V3D 1N SOM3TH1NG GR34T3R TH4N H3RS3LF  
GC: 1N POSS1B1L1TY L1V1NG 4S SP4RKS 1N OUR B3LL13S TH4T COULD B3COM3 4 F1R3  
GC: 1N 4 L1F3 NOT FR33 FROM V1OL3NC3  
GC: (B3C4US3 WHO DO3SNT LOV3 4 GOOD B1T OF TH4T)  
GC: BUT FR33 FROM 1ND1SPUT4BL3 CONTROL  
GC: FR33 FROM 4 TOT4L1T4R14N POL1C3 ST4T3 RUL3D BY 4 TROLL WHO H4T3S 4LL WHOM SH3 GOV3RNS  
GC: FR33 FROM F34R OF B31NG CULL3D FOR TH3 MOST 4RB1TR4RY R34SONS  
GC: B3C4US3 WHOS TO S4Y W3 4R3 NOT 4LL C4P4BL3 OF B31NG T4VROS N1TR4MS OR K4RK4T V4NT4S3S  
GC: OR M3S  
GC: 4ND SH3 S4W GOODN3SS 1N 3V3RYON3, L1K3 1T W4S R1GHT TH3R3 ON TH31R SL33V3  
GC: 1T W4S R1D1CULOUS  
GC: 1T W4S 4M4Z1NG  
GC: 4ND 1 DONT KNOW HOW SH3 H4PP3N3D TO M3  
GC: S3R3ND1P1TY, 1 GU3SS  
GC: H4 D3 FL1PP3TY H4  
GC: STUP1D3ST 1D34 TO G3T F3D 1NTO OUR MUSHY TH1NKP4NS  
GC: FUCK YOU, K4RK4T V4NT4S  
GC: FUCK YOU FOR B31NG R1GHT  
GC: FUCK YOU FOR B31NG K1ND SO TH4T TH3R3 COULD B3 CLOSUR3  
GC: 4ND FUCK YOU, 3QU1US Z4HH4K  
GC: FUCK YOU FOR B31NG TH3R3 D3SP1T3 3V3RYTH1NG  
GC: FUCK YOU FOR B31NG ST34DF4ST 4ND SO TRU3  
GC: FUCK YOU BOTH FOR 4LLOW1NG TH1S TO H4PP3N  
GC: 1N F4CT, FUCK 4LL OF YOU FOR TH1S  
GC: FOR 4LLOW1NG H3R TO B3 H3RS3LF 4ND R4D14NT 4ND ST4GG3R1NG  
GC: B3C4US3 NOW 1 DONT KNOW WH4T TO DO  
GC: SH3S GON3  
GC: SH3S GON3 4ND TH4TS 1T  
GC: 3ND OF SC3N3  
GC: 4ND W3R3 NOT  
GC: W3R3 ST1LL H3R3, ST1LL PLOTT1NG, ST1LL R3VOLUT1ON1NG  
GC: BUT NOW W3 4R3 3MPT13R  
GC: TH1S 1S TH3 DUMB3ST M3MO 3V3R >:[[[[[  
GC: 1T DO3SNT DO H3R 4NY JUST1C3  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW 1F 4NYTH1NG COULD  
GC: BUT WOW 1  
GC: 1 R34LLY OW3 1T TO H3R TO TRY  
GC: 1M GO1NG TO TYP3 TH1S W1THOUT A QU1RK SO TH4T 4BSOLUT3LY FUCK1NG NOBODY C4N M4K3 SOM3 R3PR3H3NS1BL3 3XCUS3 FOR NOT R34D1NG 1T  
GC: 4ND 1F YOU DONT R34D 1T TH3N YOU 4R3 4 T3RR1BL3 P3RSON 4ND SHOULD F33L T3RR1BL3

gallowsCalibrator [GC] changed board name to DO NOT 1GNOR3 TH1S.

GC: OK4Y  
GC: Okay  
GC: When  
GC: When I was three and a half sweeps old, I met Nepeta Leijon.


End file.
